BC: Darkness

I lay here, in the dark. Thinking of all the choices I can make. In an empty room, clicking my fingernails on the hard wooden floors. From my pinky to index finger. Thinking hard. Loneliness has stepped inside of me. There's sadness and anger in my eyes. My fists tighten as my tears come streaming from my face. It drips slowly down my face to my mouth, I lick my lips quickly, and taste that saltiness in my tears. I wipe my tears with my sleeves, I feel the wetness soaking into my arms, my fists still tightened. I slowly unloosen my fists, feeling weakened. Feeling useless, worthless, and that there's nothing I can do about it. More tears come bursting out uncontrollably, I can feel myself breathing heavier and heavier. Next thing I know, I'm sobbing, trying to stop myself from all this nonsense. Shaking my head and telling myself that I am better than this. My tears have started to cool down, but that sadness is still eating inside me. How do I make it stop?

I have lost count of time, I didn't care. I told myself repeatedly that I will succeed. Saying it out loud to myself countless times, as I hear the soft echo in this empty small dark room. I lay down flat on this hard floor, trying to sleep. Trying to run away from all my problems with a quick nap. But it's impossible to sleep, with thoughts drowning in my head. I get sweaty all the sudden. I feel my back getting wet as I lay there, and my forehead dripping liquids. I feel a rush of heat going through my body from head to toe. I touch my face, and it's incredibly hot. I needed to get out of this place, fast. 

I get myself up quickly, as I run around looking for an opening to a way out, bumping into walls. I finally find the door, I open it and expected to see a way out, but there's another dark room, but larger. I walk slowly, hearing the floors creak every step I take. Sliding my hands against the wall to guide my every move. And then all the sudden my foot gets stuck on something, and as I try to keep going forward, I can't and I feel my body rushing towards the ground. I put out my elbows quickly to save myself from falling flat on the ground. Pain is hitting every inch of my body. I lay there, feeling like giving up. I wanted to stay there forever, to fall asleep, and never awaken. But I told myself No. I'm not giving up. I used all my force and the little energy left in my body to pull myself up. My arms wiggling feeling weak as I try to get up. I catch my breath for a quick second and continue my journey. I walk slowly. And my pace becomes faster and faster. Everything is dark, but I can see a very tiny bit of light all the way down the room. I walk faster. I can feel myself starting to run. And in a long time, I felt a rush of happiness and excitement. As I get closer and closer, the light gets bigger and bigger. I open the door. There's sunlight - and a smile.

RE: I'mperfect

"peers can also have an effect on how one sees beauty."

This explains so much.  Society today is so judgmental. Us boys and girls try really hard just to get noticed. But whatever we do, no matter how hard we try, people will continue judging more and more. It makes us want to work harder just to be accepted into society. Sometimes, I wish I can have that "I don't give a fuck attitude" but honestly, I can never have that. When someone tells me something bad, I take it to heart. Even though, I'm always telling others I'm fine, I'm not. I over think. If our society wasn't so judgmental, maybe girls wouldn't be starving themselves to be skinnier, or showing their cleavage everywhere, or wearing makeup (like I do). Maybe guys wouldn't be trying to have that nice body, over-working themselves, and more.

 People don't understand how one thing like "you're fat" can affect someone so much, next thing you know, you see her throwing up her food, or going to the gym everyday. That's just one example, but I can name like a gazillion others. Like I always say, we live in a fucked up world. Sometimes I want to go back to like the really old days when everyone was called beautiful no matter what size you were, or how you looked. Marilyn Monroe is known to be one of the most beautiful girls out there, and she was not a size double 0 or anything, she was a size 4 to 6. If society today wasn't so harsh, maybe we'd all accept our true beauty, and I have to admit, this is something I need to work on.

FREE: Bullying

I just don't understand this. I don't understand what goes on in people's minds when they talk down on other people. When they call them fat, ugly, skinny, flat, dumb, and way more. Especially to a girl like me, ONE WORD, like ugly, can make a girl's self esteem go down totally. Even though, you may be "joking around" you don't understand the pain that is going inside her mind. She thinks about it constantly, she will never forget it. Call her pretty, she'll be happy temporarily, but call her ugly, she will never forget it. Girls are really sensitive, and so are boys. So please watch what you say.

 Also, physically bullying people is just as dumb. Why risk you getting in trouble just to see someone you pick on be miserable. You could get expelled, suspended, detention. What good does it do for people? Nothing. Nothing good has happened in doing that for you.

And most of all, cyber-bullying. I truly hate this. I hate what people do these days. People go and kill themselves because of these heartless jerks. How does that make you feel? Shitty, I hope. Why would you bring down others, just to make you feel better. And I'm pretty sure, half of them didn't even do anything wrong to you. People just do it because they think it's funny. I don't see anything funny about this. But I guess there's nothing I can do about it, we live in a fucked up world.

hi everyone, i love casandra

RE: Equality Still Matters.

I was reading Bridget's blog and this really interested me

The past should be accepted, and there is no way to change the past to make things better right now. Best way is to move on and start making the world a better and safer place for everybody and not just for the wealthy. I believe that every citizen should be treated equally unless they don't deserve to

I really agree with this line right here. I think that equality is VERY important. After the 9/11 incident, everyone assumes that people with these head coverings are terrorists, and are going to like "bomb the school." I witnessed someone actually saying that to someone with a head covering at school. What a heartless jerk. The people who have actually done something wrong is different, but these innocent people are getting picked on for something they didn't do. They're just like everyone else. We're all human, we all have a brain, a heart, hair, eyes, nose, mouth, arms, legs. We're all the same.

None of us should be treated down on. I personally hate it when people think I'm smart because I'm Asian. White people hate it when people assume that they're snobby, rich, and stuck-up. African  Americans hate it when people think they're only from the ghetto, and have no future ahead of them. And Iranian, Afghanistan, and more hate it when people only think they're terrorists. We all need to just take off these labels, and understand that we are all the same, and need to accept that. Fuck labels.

CE: 10th year.

              I’ve been hearing about this day coming up. This tragic day that happened 10 years ago. Many lives were lost, tears, pain, injuries, everything. This has changed the United States so much. I may not know a lot about this day, but this day interests me a lot. This happened when I was in first grade. I honestly didn’t even know about it until a few years ago. And when someone told me, it didn’t affect me as much as it did until now. Watching all these videos; people crying, people jumping off the buildings, watching the airplane hit the building, all that. It really hit me. Like woah, this is such a big event, and I never took it seriously until this year. I don’t know what I would do if I lost a loved one because of that. So much grief would just build inside me. I don’t know how these little kids who lost their moms, dads can deal with it. I would just breakdown every year. I just wish I could like give them a hug or something.

            This upcoming Sunday, the 10 year anniversary of September 11, 2011, when these two faceless terrorists decided to hit the World Trade Center in New York City with two airplanes, I hope everyone will actually take this day seriously, and respect everyone who was a victim from it. I hope something like this won’t happen ever again. It affected a lot of people emotionally and physically. 

FREE: Power off. Procrastination.

               So I come home today after school, and all the power in my house is off. OFF. EVERYTHING. That meant I couldn’t go on the computer for homework, facebook, tumblr, and yeah. From four to nine. So I’m here on my laptop watching these 9/11 Youtube videos with 15% of my battery left on my laptop, (I was going to write about that for my current events post) in the dark, with flashlights around me. And then my mom and little siblings get interested in what I’m watching. I found it kind of cute. We all watched it together; sad and tearing up, well at least I was. Being in the dark also made it more depressing.

Now it’s almost midnight, and I’m here procrastinating on my homework. I’m so stressed out. This whole week, I have slept around midnight. I can’t wait until this weekend. I just wished the power hadn’t gone out on a weekday. Well, it was sort of fun, playing with my little siblings in the dark, with flashlights. (:< I like scaring them. I’m too evil. Yes, today was not the best day. But these bad days are inevitable. They will always come. Today’s just one of those days! But I am all pooped out. I’m going to be so tired tomorrow. I don’t know how other kids can go to sleep so late and deal with it the next day. TOMORROW’S FRIDAY THOUGH! Can’t wait to sleep in. 

BC: A Little About Me..

My name is Dziu. It's a Vietnamese name actually spelled "Diu" meaning peacefulness, mildness, calmness. But knowing me, that's nothing like me. Well it can be, I guess. People usually call me by the name of Vicky, but some people like to get all fancy, and call me Victoria. Whatever’s fine with me. I’ve lived in Alameda most of my life, but moved houses in Alameda many times. Right now, I am currently attending Alameda High School. Not my most favorite place to be, but what can I say? It’s school.

 I like to play guitar. I’ve been playing for four years, since the 6^th grade. I’m not the most athletic girl, but I love being outdoors, and just taking walks. I’m not sporty, but the fact of being outdoors and feeling the nice breeze and quiet atmosphere (at times) is very relaxing. I’ve never joined a sport but I’m interested in volleyball. I’ve stayed in California my whole life, but when I grow up, I wanted to travel the whole world. Meeting new people, exploring the unique places everywhere is one of my main goals when I get older. Education isn’t my thing, but I like to take challenging classes hoping to get in a good college. I’m very indecisive and can’t seem to plan ahead of my future. I’m just hoping for the best. Being the 3^rd oldest of seven siblings made me a very responsible person. I’m a neat freak, unfortunately. But I guess there are good things about being one. I’m actually really shy, when you first meet me. Once we start talking to more, that’s a whole different story. I talk a lot. Like a lot. But I guess some people enjoy my non-stop talking. J Oh, and I get scared easily too, so don’t try to scare me.

Now, let’s talk about my education skills. Let’s see, I hate math. I hate history, I HATE science, P.E is eh, its okay. I don’t like Spanish, because my memory sucks. And English is okay. I’d say that would be my easiest subject. I don’t know, something about writing comes no naturally to me. (sometimes) And grammar, spelling, all that jazz has always been easy to me since forever. I’m not a 4.0 student, sadly. I’m an average student with passing grades at least. One thing I hate about being Asian is that people always think I’m smart and that it’s okay to copy off my homework. No, I’m not smart, and most likely, my homework answers aren’t even right. At least I try. That’s pretty much my education information, exciting huh?!?!

Okay, now to talk about my main goals for this sophomore year. My main goal is to try to open up more, and make new friends. Last year, I was in my little shell and never came out. It sucked. I’m a shy girl. This year, I’m trying to be different. Another thing is to work harder. I slacked off a lot last year. My grades weren’t so good as they usually are. I don’t know what happened. I just didn’t take my freshman year seriously. But now that it’s a new year, I’m going to try to change that. Well this is an introduction of myself. I’m really looking forward to this new school year. (sorta) J